逍遥右脑 2010-05-20 00:32
一、避免使用语意弱的“be”动词。
1、把句中的表语转换为不同的修饰语。例如:
Weak: The trees are bare. The grass is brown. The landscape seems drab.
Revision:The brown grass and bare trees form a drab landscape. (转换为前置定语)
Or: The landscape, bare and brown, begged for spring green. (转换为并列结构作后置定语)
2、将作表语用的形容词或名词变为行为动词。例如:
1) Weak: The team members are good players.
Revision: The team members play well.
2) Weak: One worker's plan is the elimination of tardiness.
Revision: One worker's plan eliminates tardiness.
3、在以“here”或“there”开头的句子中,把“be”动词后的名词代词变成改写句的主语。例如:
1) Weak: There is no opportunity for promotion.
Revision: No opportunity for promotion exists.
2) Weak: Here are the books you ordered.
Revision: The books you ordered have arrived.
二、多用语意具体的动词,保持句意简洁明了。例如:
1、Poor: My supervisor went past my desk.
Better: My supervisor sauntered (=walked slowly) past my desk.
2、Poor: She is a careful shopper.
Better: She compares prices and quality.